Shut-up-and-take-my-moneySo I have a weird problem with a few artists. Some are authors, some are pop musicians, some are random I-don’t-know-but-sometimes-they-have-a-kickstarter people.

I want literally everything they make. I don’t care what it is.

Anne Leckie‘s sequel to Ancillary Justice is coming out? I want it. The pre-order date is 6 months away? I have to make a reminder to pre-order it, or Amazon just tries to get me to pre-pre-order every couple days until I hand over money to Amazon 8 months early? And even then I don’t know if that’s the way that the artist would rather that I buy the book. Or the CD. Or whatever. I don’t want to deal with any of that. I just want to give the artist money, and get everything they make.

Don’t tell me when the book is out, or when I can pre-buy a special signed something. I just want to know that everything Anne Leckie, or Robin Sloan, or John Scalzi writes, that I’m going to get a copy, and they’re going to get paid the way they want. Sometimes there’s an international artist, or there’s a commercial release and a bandcamp and a pre-whatever it is. I don’t know.

I don’t want to have to know.

I want to be able to sign up at takemymoney.com and say “Dave Malloy. I’d like everything please.” and know that the first shipment of whatever it is from whoever it is from whatever vendor, I’ll get it.

Don’t send me an email that says that Dara O’Briain is doing a show in NYC one night in September, and I can buy tickets at 11 AM three weeks from next Thursday. Send me a receipt. If I can’t make it I’ll make sure someone else takes the ticket.

Maybe give me a warning if it’s over $X. Or if the show is over Y miles or Z minutes away from me. Or if the show is that one day where I’m, I don’t know, getting married or something.

A little it’s about the fear of missing out. A little it’s about making sure that I spend the money the way the artist wants. And a little bit it’s about giving the artist a little bit more than a Kickstarter pledge. I want them to know that they’ve got guaranteed sales for the future.

I’m busy working in arts grantmaking, but if any of you out there feeling like building that, I’d appreciate it.

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